wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
