my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
