I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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