You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
hell yes lets make some ravioli
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
