so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
