So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
