I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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