hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
