i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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