im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
