My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
