what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
