I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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