i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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