In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
