Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And then he peed in my hair
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