Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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