It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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