So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
