i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
