At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
