69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
