dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
40s are totally the cure
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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