Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
