I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
