Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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