glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
