but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
