We named our party play list daddy issues
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
