So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
