I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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