You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
