do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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