you guys were way drunker than both of me
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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