If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
