She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
