why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
PANTIES FOUND
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