i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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