The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
