what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
