I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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