And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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