what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
