Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
