dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
