I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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