Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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