so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
