after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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