I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
