I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
