And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When are your genitals available?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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