I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
